It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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