you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
