i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
