Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
