matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
