she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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