I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
