Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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