bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
