He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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