I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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