I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
