we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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