I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize