Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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