I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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