I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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