why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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