About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
