If i come over, it means nothing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As shirtless as possible
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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