Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
