you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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