Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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