you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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