I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
