I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
