I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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