just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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