oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
