I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
