Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize