He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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