yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
