captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
