I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
