Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
