just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
