There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
