I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
