He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
