RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
