the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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