I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
