White coat. Heels.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
