Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
