What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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