If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
