i love accidental penises.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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