Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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