fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
