Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
