trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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