Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
