plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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