So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
