people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
