my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
