Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
