it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
