Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
