HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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