Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
