omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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