Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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