i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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