You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
