please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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