he shaved USA in his pubs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
