Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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