gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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