Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
