Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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