she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
