i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
