I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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