Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
