You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
