I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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