I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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