Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
