i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
