All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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