nut hugger
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
