i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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