I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
