I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
