is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
