Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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