I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
