GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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