Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
