just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
