I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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