so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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