Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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